The Feller Life

Christmas 2011

2012-01-13T03:39:00.000-08:00

I know, I know...I am way behind on this post. Life has been busy, and I am loving every second of it! But I would be remiss if I didn't go back and post about Christmas and the time we spent with family.

We traveled to Florida to see Jeremy's mom and grandmother and had a wonderful week! I am so happy that we were able to travel down there and spend quality time with them.

But before we traveled to Florida, we spent time with my family, and then with Jeremy's dad and step-mom. Boy oh boy did we have some fun!

First, my mom's house...

Every year my mom hosts Christmas at her house the weekend before the actual holiday. There are 5 siblings in my family, and all of us are married or in serious relationships, and 4 of the 5 of us have children. So there are A LOT of schedules to work around. And typically, not all 5 of us can make it. But this year was special because my sister, Amy, the oldest, and her family made the trip from Kansas City. Amy is a nurse and has worked nights and weekends for the past I don't even know how many years. I am slightly obsessed with my sisters so I will take any opportunity that I can to see them.

Amy, myself, and Betsy

When Mom hosts Christmas (well, to be honest, when Mom hosts anything) she goes ALL OUT. I have never met a woman who can decorate a home, or cook, like my mother. No matter where she is living, you can walk into her house and immediately feel right at home. If it's cold outside, there is always a fire crackling. If it's warm outside, the windows are always open. I guess it's kind of hard to put into words, but Mom's house is always just...perfect.

I love watching all of our children play together, too. And being that Jacob is now almost two, and we're finally on what I like to call "the other side of good", he can run and jump and play with all of them, too. And I don't have to worry (most of the time) that he's going to fall down the stairs or stick his finger in a socket.

Only on Christmas do you get marshmallows for breakfast!

Cookies and ice cream with Austin

For as many years as I can remember, we have had homemade chili and spiral ham on Christmas Eve. So when Mom decided to move the celebration to the weekend before, we knew she wouldn't change a thing. We all come into her home on Saturday morning/afternoon, and the chili and ham are already well under way. And in true Zeller fashion, we graze quite a bit. There's always food on the counter...from cheese and crackers, to a veggie tray, to chili toppings galore. Yum, yum, yum.

And if you're really lucky, later that night, after all the littles have finally gone to bed, you and your brother in law, whom you've known since you were 3 years old (no joke), can peek into the fridge in the garage and find Mom's ONLY beer in the house :) Thankfully, Bob and my sister Amy had to make a run out for something and returned with some yummy wine!

That's right...one Natty Light in a box of O'Doul's - hilarious!

The boys had a wonderful time. Jacob feel head over heels in love with Uncle Bob, aka "the baby whisperer". I have never seen any man, heck any person, as good with babies as Bob is. Screaming, colicky baby? Give him to Bob. Baby won't nap? Give him to Bob. And seriously, they flock to the man. Jacob's not even two, there's no way he could remember Bob from the few times they've met. But you'd have thought they were long lost best friends.

Nana knocked it out of the park again this year as she made the boys blankets with their favorite characters. Superman for Luke, and Elmo for Jacob. Sadly (and I have no idea how because I am obsessed with it!) I don't have a pictures of the blankets like I thought I did. Alas, I'll have to sneak into their rooms and take one!

Nana, Megan, Hannah and Luke opening Luke's blanket.

Daddy and Jacob opening Jacob's blanket.

Another Christmas has come and gone, and more wonderful memories have been made. Just today, on a blistery cold Saturday in January, Luke said to me "Mommy, it's almost Christmas!" and I of course sighed longingly and said "No babe, it's definitely not almost Christmas."

And what came next after Christmas 2011 with Nana and crew? Christmas with Grandma and Pops! Stay tuned...

Perfect Strangers

2012-01-03T16:20:00.000-08:00

I don't even really know where to begin with this post. I guess I am just in a very refreshed, thankful mood, being that it is a new year and all. And whenever I get into these moods, I get reflective. So here I go...

When we decided to move back to Indianapolis in 2007 when I was pregnant with Luke, I couldn't wait to get here. We were going to be closer to my family in Chicago, and Jeremy's family in Danville, and our friends...we were going to be closer to our friends! I envisioned cookouts, and double dates, and watching NFL football together on lazy Sunday afternoons while drinking beer and eating chili.

But here's the thing...when you move away for as long as we did (5 years) people obviously fill the gap that you left behind. It's not that our friends made new friends and replaced us, it was more that we'd all just become different people with different interests. When Jeremy and I left, we were engaged and in our mid twenties. When we moved back, we were 30 with a baby on the way. And all of a sudden those lazy Sundays were accompanied by watching NFL football while assembling nursery furniture.

I missed our friends in Charlotte. A LOT. And I asked Jeremy at least a thousand times in that first year why in the world we moved back. We had wonderful friends in Charlotte. The weather was gorgeous. We had great jobs. But I knew, deep down, we were always supposed to be here. We were both born and raised in the Midwest. You just cannot beat it in my opinion. There's nothing like raising a child with good old Midwestern values. But I still struggled.

I had Kelly...thank God. When you become a new mommy, you go through more changes than you ever thought possible. Physical, emotional, HORMONAL. Ugh... I needed the support of my family, and my husband, but I also needed a best friend. I needed someone that I could email/call/text at 3:00 in the morning, while feeding a baby, and crying out of pure frustration and exhaustion at the same time. And I needed someone to be going through it at the exact same time as I was. I can't begin to express how blessed I am that our first born children are only 3 weeks apart. Because if they weren't, who knows if we would have stayed on this same life schedule and learned all this together. And in turn, we're now inseparable.

But again, I still struggled. I remember emailing Kel about a year ago and I was a mess. I didn't have many girlfriends. I mean the kind of girlfriend that I call a "refrigerator friend". You know, the kind where you can walk straight into their home, and grab yourself a cup, and go to the fridge for a drink before you've even said hello. I realize that I am very lucky to even have a few of these women in my life. And I did...I had a few. But I have always been a person who enjoys a lot of close friendships. I'm outgoing, and energetic, and I feel as though I have a TON of love to share. And I love nothing more than sharing that love with my family and my friends.

So on and off throughout the next few months that same feeling of loneliness came in waves. And then one day Kel started asking me about running with a group of girls she had joined up with. We were all training for one race or another. So already we shared a pretty big passion. I've said it once and I'll say it a million more times...us runners are a weird breed. And we get that. We do something that non-runners will never understand. But that's why it is so important for us to have this community. This network of people who know exactly what we are going through.

Well the stars aligned one Saturday morning last summer and my schedule was going to allow me to meet up with these girls for a 20 mile run. Yep, that's a long one alright. The only problem? Kel was out of town. So here I was, headed to meet these ladies, at 6AM, in the middle of a dark McDonald's parking lot. Yikes. I may be outgoing and energetic...but what if they didn't like me?!

Thank God that wasn't the case.

I can honestly say that my life was changed forever after that first run with the girls on that hot August morning last summer. And yes, I know, to some that might sound odd. But trust me...these are my people. I'm not saying I've rejected any friend in my life who isn't one of my runner girls. In fact, I need to make a more conscious effort to spend time with those friends, too! But there is something so special about my running group, dubbed the Perfect Strangers. These are my girls. And I am so happy...like beyond words happy...to call them my close friends.

And they damn well better feel comfortable walking into my house, grabbing a cup, and heading straight to the fridge for a drink before even saying hello...even if it is 3:00 in the morning.

Just another mundane Saturday...

2011-12-31T15:58:00.000-08:00

Ahhh...back to normal life. I love it! We had a wonderful time in Florida, but there is nothing like the feeling of waking up in your own bed, driving around in your own car, and cooking the food that is in your own fridge. Home sweet home.

I started my day off in the exact fashion in which I wanted to close out 2011...with my runner girls. I honestly don't know how I would have made it through marathon training without these women. They are complete sources of strength for me and we have created very special bonds in the last few months. You'll get to know a person pretty well when you spend 3+ hours running with them!

And while I ran, Daddy stayed home and hung with our little men. And when I got home? My living room looked like a tornado of toys had come through. And then it hit me...we opened Christmas presents on Sunday and then took off for the airport. So today was really the first day the boys were able to play with all of their new loot. Play on, little ones, play on...

Today has been a productive day, as the Christmas decorations are down, and life is beginning to return to normal. I am extremely type A when it comes to the decorations and I have to get them down as soon as Christmas is over. Typically I have everything put away on December 26th! I feel much better having things back in their normal places now. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing better to me than twinkling Christmas lights on a tree or mantle in a dimly lit room. But when the toys from said room have moved into your dining room, there comes a time when you're just ready to get everything back in its rightful place :)

Last year we rang in the New Year at Sagamore with some of our closest friends. This year we're ringing it in on our couch. Love it! We did go a little crazy after naps today and ran to get the boy's hair cut. I was literally still undecided about whether to cut Jacob's hair on the drive to the salon. I even took pictures in the car to keep record of those sweet little curls...

And, as the evidence suggests below, I totally caved and he got his first haircut. He's still just as darling as ever!

The kid will do anything for a sucker!

Can I get an AMEN on how much this boy resembles his Daddy?

2011 has been a wonderful year for us. And we look forward to a very blessed 2012. Happy New Year!

Sea World

2011-12-29T17:48:00.001-08:00

When Jeremy and I made the decision to bring the boys to Florida after Christmas, we immediately began talking theme parks. I researched ticket prices online for what seemed like hours. These places are ridiculously expensive! But...we were only an hour(ish) away from America's playground in Orlando. How could we resist?

Jeremy was all in for Disney World. I was not. The boys need to be older in my opinion. He kept telling me about our friends who do Disney with kids the same ages as the boys. Good point. But not good enough to convince me. I dragged my feet. And then I showed him the ticket prices. Yep...it was a no go. Mama wins :) Those prices will be worth it...one day. When my babies are no longer babies. Okay, let's be honest, they'll always be babies to me. But I need Jacob to at least be able to speak in entire sentences before we venture there. After all, for that kind of money, I want them to remember the experience!

We settled on Sea World. Who doesn't love a nice, child friendly environment full of animals to ooohh and ahhh over? And Shamu! They have Shamu! Jacob ran around all morning while we got ready to leave, looking in every room of Grandma's house, hands in the air with shrugged shoulders, saying "Where Shamu go?" Dude...you haven't even seen him yet! Too. Stinking. Cute.

Oh, Shamu... You did NOT disappoint. I don't even know where to begin with these pictures.

The boys started out a bit apprehensive. I mean come on, these beasts are LARGE. But they soon warmed up to the whales and all the splashing. They clapped. They yelled. They waved. Hell, at one point I swear Jacob would have run down the aisle and jumped into the pool with our buddy, Shamu, had we let him.

21 month old swims with killer whale? I think not...

We continued on to the sea otters who, quite frankly, smelled horrendous. But they were so cute to watch! Lots of mama and baby sea otters in the man-made space built to replicate their natural habitat. A job well done, Sea World.

We made our way through aquariums, and shark tunnels, and a visit with the dolphins and the penguins.

And then we found the playground. I can honestly say that climbing my way through massive nets, on an incline, to get to multiple tunnels to crawl through to more nets was never really on my bucket list. But hey, I've done it now! Good thing I'm such a fan of crossing things off that list...

And then my little buddy, who I swear has become more brave than I thought possible in the last few days, wanted to ride a roller coaster. And when he looked at me with those big eyes, and darling dimples, and said "Mama, will you ride the roller coaster with me please?" I nearly melted. I was a roller coaster fanatic growing up. Loved every minute of them. But then in my mid twenties I tried riding one again and ended up with a horrible case of nausea for the remainder of the day. So I had sort of vowed to never ride one again. But that was before I had kids. And honestly, how can I say no when the world's sweetest 4 year old wants to experience his first roller coaster, a true rite of passage, with no one else but his mama?

We started him off slow...on a kiddie coaster :) But I have to say, this thing did move. It had speed, it had rotation, and it cleared some serious air. And he had an absolute blast.

We finished the day off with "A Very Sesame Christmas". Jacob was a mess. He'd barely napped, save for the hour(ish) he spent in G-Nan's lap, and he was melting. But then the lights dimmed, and out came Bert and Ernie. And then Big Bird. And Elmo ran through the audience and jumped on the stage. And the rest of the gang filed in...Cookie Monster, Abby Cadabby, Zoe. He was in complete awe. Homeboy didn't even know what hit him.

As we made our way out of the park tonight, I smiled to myself thinking about what a wonderful day we'd just had. Jeremy and I laughed so hard at things the boys were saying and doing. The boys had a blast. Their eyes so wide and their smiles so big.

My goodness gracious there is just nothing better than being a parent...

We made our final stop on the way out for a quick family photo op, and as soon as we were done I strapped the boys in the strollers, did a head count for my inlaws, and started out of the gates. And I realized I didn't have Jeremy. I scanned the crowd and found him just a few feet away. I didn't even stop to think what he was doing. I just yelled to him that we were moving, and we'd meet him outside the gates. I heard an "Okay!" and on we went.

A few minutes later I heard his voice, and I turned to tell him something, and then I saw it. I saw what was holding him up. And I fell a little bit more in love with my husband, walking toward me, arms full of three Shamu stuffed animals. One for Lukey, one for baby Jacob, and one for Ada Grace.

Amidst pure squeals of delight, and Jacob screaming "SHAMU! SHAMU!" I smiled lovingly at my husband.

"Babe, come on. You can't go to Sea World and leave without Shamu."

Today, my friends, was a good day. Today was a really good day...

Over the river and through the woods...

2011-12-28T07:43:00.000-08:00

I am very behind on posts, and hope to sit down at some point and catch up. That may very well happen in 2014 when my children are a bit older and life isn't so busy. But for the time being, I thought it might be nice to post a few recent pictures that I've taken while we are in Florida visiting Grandma Mathews and G-Nan. The boys are having a wonderful time and we're all enjoying some much needed rest and relaxation. Soon our lives will be back to normal...school, work, race training, etc. But for right now, we are spending our time snuggling on the couch, and eating yummy cakes and pies, and playing in the fresh Florida sunshine...in December no less.

Yes. Please.

Grandma Mathews with her grandchildren. Luke, Jacob and Ada Grace.

Playing in Grandma's backyard.

G-Nan and sweet baby Jacob.

Lukey and one of his favorite cousins, Ada Grace.

G-Nan and her little buddy.

I cannot believe Luke did this! He's getting SO brave!

The first bungee type jumper in our family!

He was jumping so hard and going so high!

One of many trips to a local playground.

Sweet baby Jacob.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-24T12:17:00.001-08:00

I can't come up with a better way to start Thanksgiving than to go for a run (my all time favorite activity that I am SO thankful for) with my babies (who I am MOST thankful for!).

Thanks for the pic Aunt Kel!

I made it...

2011-11-06T17:36:00.000-08:00

When I used to run to music I often times listened to a multitude of tunes. Rap, rock, pop...you name it, I listened to it. And there were a few particular songs that always put a little extra bounce in my step. One such song is titled "I Made It".

I look up to the sky,
And now the world is mine,
I've known it all my life,
I made it, I made it!
I used to dream about,
The life I'm living now,
I know that there's no doubt,
I made it, I made it!

This song could pull me up out of the darkest of thoughts during a run. Often times I found myself pumping my fists in the air to the beat of the song, just reminding myself that I was out there. I was doing it. I had made it.

Yesterday, I ran my second marathon. 26.2 miles. I can't really put the last 18 weeks into adequate words. There were a lot of runs. A LOT. And attempts at trying to juggle everything. And sometimes failing miserably. And there was family. And there were friends. Lots and lots of friends.

Kel and I are runners. We're also wives, and mothers, and full time career women, and board members, and volunteers. The list goes on. And if it weren't for all of the similarities between the two of us (including our looks!) I'm 100% certain that my life would not be as fulfilled as it is now. Anyone who is anyone in my life, from my family, to my other friends, to my co-workers, knows who Kelly is. So of course it was only natural that we would be running the same race. We have run every race together in 2011. It's a year for the record books, that's for sure.

And if it weren't for Kel, I wouldn't have met anyone in our running group, Perfect Strangers. These women are my net. We love eachother. We support eachother. We need eachother. These women are a large part of the reason that I continue to run.

Yesterday our bodies pulled off an amazing accomplishment. Just last week I told Kel that I didn't care if it took us 3 hours, or 13 hours, to finish the marathon. I don't care who you are...you can't just go out and run 26.2 miles without putting some serious training in first. We are strong women. WE ARE STRONG WOMEN. And we will continue to put one foot in front of the other, and pound that pavement, step by step...together...for as long as we can. Because it's what we do. It's who we are. We run because we can.

I vividly remember every bit of yesterday's race (which is an accomplishment in and of itself because typically I feel like I black out - ha!). The first 13 miles absolutely flew by. I was running with my girls. I had Kelly, our friend Meghan and my sweet sister, Betsy, with me. We saw friends. We saw Jeremy. We saw Kelly's friends who are so wonderful that they threw MY name on HER sign. These people care enough about me, while hardly even knowing me, because they love Kel, and they know we kind of go hand in hand. Especially with our running. There was a lot of "Go Kelly and Jaime!" I mean come on, it doesn't get much better than that...

Unfortunately, though, with all the pros of running, there also come some cons. Pain. There's a lot of pain. And anything...and I mean ANYTHING...can throw you off. Too much water. Not enough water. Too many carbs. Not enough carbs. I get that it seems like you can just lace up and run out the door, and typically you can. But not when the mother of all races is waiting for you. You have to prep. You have to hope. You have to pray.

I knew at mile 13 that Kel wasn't feeling well. She'd mentioned that her hips were hurting, and her calves were cramping. But girl kept on keepin' on... But I knew it was getting bad. I can read her like a book. I could tell. And my heart was breaking for her.

I continued to check on both her and Betsy. Conversation started to drop off, the winces of pain were there. This was getting hard. Just before mile 15, Betsy ran up to me and said "Jaim, we are not leaving her. You said you wouldn't leave her." And I turned and said "I know that, but I have to do something. Just let me go. I have to get to Mike. Stay with Kelly." I knew Kelly's husband was waiting at mile 15. And I wanted him to be ready.

As soon as I saw their group I beelined for him. "Mike, she's hurting. Something's wrong. She's upset. Please help. I don't know what to do." And he didn't say a word. He jumped around me, into the street, and bent down as fast as he could just as she arrived so he could massage her calves. I loved on her girls to keep them entertained. And I vaguely remember saying goodbye to our other friends as we started the run again.

Miles 15-19 are probably the haziest of the entire race. I do remember thinking that something had to happen. Something bad had to hit. I wasn't supposed to feel THIS good. And then I started to get scared. If I felt so good then, what would happen at 20? Would my body just give up? The last 6.2 miles scare the hell out of me.

I made sure I had my girls. They were still with me. They were within sight. Kel asked me to go on, to race my race. Betsy screamed out "NO!" and I told her that I cared WAY more about her and her wellbeing than I did about some stupid race time. I was with her, and we were going to finish.

And then the bad hit. My achilles didn't just start to whisper to me, it started screaming. Loudly. I had done a bit of stopping and re-starting, and I had clearly tweaked something. It came on like a freight train. I was fine one step, and debillitated the next. And I panicked.

Right at this point, I looked beside me and Betsy was there, but I couldn't find Kel. I knew she was behind us, but I didn't know how far. And then I saw our friend's husband, and he literally had a bottle of meds in his hand. "Jaime! Beth just passed. She told me to get the meds ready for Kel. Where is she?"

And I started to cry. I had come to a cross road. I was in pain. Excruciating pain. And the only thing, shockingly, that made the pain go away was to keep running at a pretty fast clip. I had my sister. But I didn't have my best friend. I literally felt my heart rip in two...

What was the right thing to do?

"Jeff, can you do me a favor? I'm in pain. I have to go. But will you please tell her I love her? And that I'm sorry?" Thank God for Jeff. He gave me a look that told me everything would be fine, and Betsy squeezed my hand and smiled, and told me how proud she was of me, and how proud she was to be my sister, and how she thanks God every day for me. And she told me that we were going to finish. And we were going to do it together. So I wiped my tears. And I ran...I never looked back. I never stopped.

I remember thinking at mile 21 that all of the pain was gone. And then it would creep back in just to remind me "nope, I'm still here. Keep running." I remember getting to 23 and seeing our friend Karie and thinking "holy shit! 23?! How in the world did that happen? I only have 3 miles left!" And then I heard my sister literally screaming behind me for Karie. "Karie! I love you! Oh my gosh you have your tutu on! Did I tell you that I love you?"

And I smiled, and I laughed...HARD. Leave it to Bets to not say a word for the last two miles and then pull that out when she saw Karie. But it helped me. I had pulled away from her, and it was all I needed to know that she was there. And she was okay.

At 23.5 I jumped to the curb and bent down to re-tie my shoe. The pain had shifted, and things were throbbing. I tried not to focus on them, but I couldn't help it. Something had to be done about that dang shoe! And just as I finished tying, I stood up, and had one foot off the curb, and I looked left... "Bets!"

She never stopped. She kept running. I jumped in. She glanced over. "Oh thank God! There you are! I need you. PLEASE finish this with me. Stay with me. I am so proud of us. I can't believe we are doing this. PLEASE finish with me." Of course I would finish with her! I could go on for hours about how much Betsy has overcome in the last two years. And I know how much running has had to do with her continuing to move forward. I was so proud to be with her. So proud to be a part of this. A part of her history in the making.

And then she pulled this out...

"Jaime, we are doing it! I am so happy, I am so proud! I am SO beating your first marathon time!" If I didn't love her so much I would have kicked some dirt up in her face and taken off :)

We saw my friend Meggie. We saw my friend Amy. I needed them both. Amazing women. Amazing friends. And then we saw my dad.

Oh my gosh. My dad. Our dad.

There he was, on the side of the street, waiting. And smiling. I practically barreled through him.
And with that, he was on the street. He was running. He was talking to us. He never once stopped talking. And it was absolutely, positively, what I needed. He was such a force of strength in that last .2. He pushed us through to the end. He told us how proud he was. He told us he loved us. He asked us how in the hell we were moving THAT quickly and leaving him in the dust when he hadn't run at all that day! I turned and told Betsy I was kicking it in, that the finish line was literally right around the corner. And I heard my dad..."Go Jaime! Go! Bring it home. You've got this! GO!" And I took off.

I rounded the corner and saw the finish line. I passed someone. I saw the crowd of fans. And then, without even thinking it, I threw my hands in the air. I curled them into fists. And I pumped them as hard as I could and bawled my eyes out as I came up to those final few steps completely alone...and the crowd literally went wild with cheers.

I look up to the sky,
And now the world is mine,
I've known it all my life,
I made it, I made it!
I used to dream about,
The life I'm living now,
I know that there's no doubt,
I made it, I made it!

4:36. Damn I'm proud...

Ode to October...

2011-10-31T18:05:00.001-07:00

Ahhh...October. I do this every year. I sit back on the last night of the month and reminisce about my favorite time of year. And October just sums up happiness in my opinion. But alas, it must end... Tomorrow I'll wake up, and it will be November. October will be gone. And I'll do alright...for awhile. There is plenty to look forward to in November, and even in December. But then we start 2012, and truly January and February could fall right off the calendar and I wouldn't even care.

So on this last night of the most joyous month ever, I give you...Our October :)

We started the month off by celebrating one of our favorite little girls (happy 4th birthday Izzy Lou!) at a costume party. It was the first time the boys were able to try out their Halloween costumes. I give you Exhibits A, B and C...

We all had a blast at the party, but both Kel and I were chomping at the bit to get the heck outta dodge. We'd been planning a trip to Chicago to surprise a number of our friends that ran the Chicago Marathon. And surprise we did! At miles 3, 13, and 21(ish) we saw all 5 of our friends. We surprised them. We yelled and cheered. We cried. We helped them through those hellacious final miles. I still reminisce about that weekend and how much fun we had. Just the two of us, road tripping it up to Chicago. We stayed with a friend of Kel's and went out on the town the night before the race. Our adrenaline (and nerves that we might miss the girls!) had us up bright and early on Sunday ready to get our race (watching) on! Oh my goodness...I don't care if you aren't a runner. Just seeing those elitists running at the speed of light is enough to knock your socks off. Trust me. Watch it sometime. You won't be disappointed.

And then came Jeremy and my wedding anniversary. 8 wonderful years. This year we went a little outside the norm and decided in advance that we'd skip out on a nice dinner on the town and just stay home with the boys. About a week before the actual date, I found some new sunglasses that I wanted and sent Jeremy a text. "I'll make our anniversary REALLY easy on you right now if you just say yes to letting me buy my own gift". His response? "Great! Because I just found a new coat that I want, so I'll go ahead and grab my gift, too!" Ahhh...true love :) All joking aside, it was a great anniversary because it was another day to celebrate us. Oh? And that old wives tale about the 7 year itch? Yep...no clue what they're talking about. It was one of our best year's yet! I can't wait to see what the future years have in store for us.

Up next was the 1st annual Back on My Feet Relay. Man oh man did we have fun with that! My sister, Betsy, came into town to race with us. All in all we pulled in almost 200 teams of 1-4 runners each. We had so many friends downtown on such a beautiful Sunday morning, and I couldn't help but smile through every 2.2 mile lap that I completed. Having the opportunity to combine two very important facets of my life (my Back on My Feet family and friends with my non Back on My Feet family and friends) was incredible. I can't wait for this race to happen again next year. So much of my summer has been consumed with very serious training. But this race was pure fun. No stress. No worries. Just good people, good music, and good times. Yes. Please.

Early morning!

Some of my favorite girls from work.

Go, Bets, go!

Runner girls.

Pam-cakes!

Up next? Ohhh boy! Little man's 4th birthday! Let me just let the pictures do all the talking on this one...

And lastly, Halloween. The boys have been giddy since they woke up this morning about trick or treating. And, as is typical, Luke did get a bit shy and had to be persuaded a bit to take the plunge and start running up to doors. But Jacob? Oh...not the case. Hit. Of. The. Neighborhood. And I swear on my life I'm not just saying that because this is my blog and no one would ever know the difference. He played with adults, he played with kids, he played with dogs. He screamed "You're welcome!" after everyone gave HIM a piece of candy. Um...no. Not really how it works babe :)

I do have more pictures from Halloween and such to upload, and some more from Luke's birthday as well. I'll get to those soon.

And, with that, October is over. Up next? The Indianapolis Monumental Marathon... Let the fun continue!

Just me and my little buddy...

2011-10-16T18:24:00.000-07:00

I can't believe Luke will be 4 next week. Sometimes I sit and try to remember some of the times we spent together when it was just him, before Jacob was born. And sadly, even though I know the memories are there, I feel like I am forgetting that time little by little. I want to remember every snuggle, every "first", every laugh, even every cry.

But unfortunately life gets busy and my brain gets crowded and I struggle to remember everything. And while the times are definitely few and far between, I do try to find time to spend with just him. To get back to that place, even for just a second, where we were attached at the hip. Because we could be...

Well today was that day.

Jeremy had plans today with some friends, and thankfully Papa was in town so I asked if he'd like to join me and the boys at the pumpkin patch. Sadly poor little baby Jacob just couldn't stay awake, and he fell asleep in the car. Papa offered to sit with him while I took Luke into the patch, promising they'd meet up with us shortly. Jacob then decided to sleep for two hours :)

Two straight hours. Just us. Me and my little buddy. Walking hand in hand again... We needed this day.

We could not get the peacock to spread her (his?) feathers!

Very pensive...

I yelled "Look Luke! Horsies!"

And then heard "No Mom, ponies".

So proud! He picked them all by himself. (And sadly Mommy carried them all by herself!)

I love that his little tongue still sticks out. So focused!

"Mommy! This one is little! This one is for Jacob!"

Sweet little baby boy...just woke up and experienced his pumpkin patch a la parking lot :)

When the going gets tough...

2011-10-05T17:32:00.001-07:00

The Indianapolis Monumental Marathon is 30 days away. 30 days.

And, my dear friends, you may think that is no time at all. I mean, really? It's already October. Just yesterday I swear it was June. What's another month, right?

Here's the thing... 30 days until race day equates to approximately 4 weeks. Each week I go for at least 4 runs ranging in distance from 5 to 20 miles. So I have at least 16 more runs of a minimum of 5 miles a piece. I'm not doing the math. It's just a lot of running. Trust me.

And don't get me wrong, I love running. I mean L.O.V.E. running. Well, except for mornings like this morning where I come face to face with a fox in the pitch black darkness that is 5AM. I stop. I think to myself "Hmmm, are foxes scared of humans?" because folks, we had one hell of a showdown going on and if said fox was not afraid of me we were going to have a problem. Well, I was going to have a problem. Turns out he was scared. All is well with the world. I digress...

But even when you love the sport as much as I do, you can still get tired. You can still ache and start to feel creaks and pains in places you never knew you had anything that could even creak in the first place. You don't seem to bounce out of bed when the alarm goes off at 4:45AM quite as quickly as you did just a few months ago. You want to sit. You want to watch tv. You want to SLEEP.

But then you find a quote like this and your outlook changes...

You might hate me. You might think I'm totally unreasonable. You might even curse me under your breath, when you think I'm not listening (I'm listening). But what you need to hear is this - I BELIEVE IN YOU. I believe what is great is ahead of you. And even though you might not thank me, that's okay. I'm not it for the glory. I'm in it for you. I AM TRAINING.

I mean really...what's another 30 days?

2011-09-30T11:41:00.000-07:00

All for one and one for all

My brother and my friend

What fun we have

The times we share

Brothers 'til the end.

-Author unknown

One day at a time...

2011-09-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

A year ago (almost to the day) I received a text message from my sister, Betsy, asking me to call when I had a moment. It was early. Very early. I just knew something was up. So I called. Betsy's first words were something like "Have you talked to Mom or Dad?" Uh-oh. Never a good sign. However, it's VERY typical Zeller. It's what we do...we ask if you've already spoken to someone so we know going into the situation whether or not you've already heard whatever it is that we are about to tell you.

As I hadn't spoken to anyone in a few days, I braced myself for the worst. Death? Terminal illness? Without even knowing what I was dealing with I started to feel nauseous. And then she told me everything...

Betsy and my mom had posed a mini intervention on my brother Robb who has battled alcoholism and addiction for much of his life. I'm sure I wouldn't do justice to the story since I wasn't there, so I won't go into specifics. All I know is that he was provided with a choice of basically shaping up or shipping out. I held my breath as I waited for her to tell me his decision.

He was willing to give a new life a shot.

Don't think for a second that it was easy for anyone. He was beyond angry at the world at the time, and he made it a point to let everyone know. But he was at least willing to try. And that, for us, was worth it.

And this Tuesday, September 27th, our beloved Uncle RoRo will celebrate one year of sobriety. One year! We are so proud of him.

His wonderful girlfriend, Sam, and Betsy got together and planned a surprise party for Robb. We headed up to Chicago this past weekend to party...and party we did! I love my brother's newfound lifestyle. I love the people he surrounds himself with. I love that he is literally taking this thing one day at a time.

Happy 1st birthday, Robb! We are so proud of you, and we love you so much. You have become so strong in the last year, and we know things will only get better. Sure, there will still be rough days, but we are all behind you, cheering you on every step of the way.

Surprise! He was SHOCKED.

Hugs all around...

Lukey's always been a huge RoRo fan!

Delicious food!

The kids were so excited to be partying and staying up late.

Thank God for big sisters!

There's nothin' like Ma's love :)

I mean for real...could this be any sweeter?

We are so proud of you, RoRo!

Robb and his awesome girlfriend, Sam.

Sisters! Love you beyond words, Bets!

This girl CRACKS me up. Love you, Sam!

Ended the night with a little fireworks show...

Sparkler tag anyone?

Party's over!

Perfect Strangers

2011-09-17T11:16:00.001-07:00

As I sit and type this entry, I am waiting on a flight that is currently delayed an hour. Ugh... Headed to San Diego for work. On a Saturday. For less than 36 hours. Really, folks?

But before I found myself sitting in said airport on this beautiful Saturday, I ran 20 miles. Yes, that's correct...20 miles. Your eyes aren't playing tricks on you. You don't need to go back and read it again. Well, you can if you want to...considering that is KIND OF a big deal :)

And there's no way I could have gotten through the run without my girls. My rocks of strength. My network (which Kel and I lovingly refer to as a "net").

May I please introduce you to the Perfect Strangers...

My partners in crime.

16 miles in and counting...

We began as a group of women training for multiple races. Some half marathons. Some full. We've become a group of women who are all training for a full marathon (welcome to the dark side, Karen!). But it's more than that...we've become friends.

And that isn't to say that some of these ladies weren't friends prior to running with the group, because they were. But there are some of us who came in only knowing one person...but the love for eachother picked up quickly. And I'll be the first to say that the latter half of Summer 2011 and now heading into Fall has been a bit more eventful because of the camaraderie I look forward to with these girls every Saturday morning at 6AM.

We begin our runs before the sun is up. We begin our runs before most people have even begun to think about waking up. Heck, we're probably running before some of those young 20-something whipper snappers have even gone to bed! (p.s. We all totally used to be those whipper snappers. Now we're in our 30's. And married. With children. Different ballgame folks...)

Unfortunately I missed last Saturday's run when the girls went all patriotic in honor of September 11th.

But the whole "theme running" thing took off. This morning we all had to run 20 miles. It takes a certain type of person to just get up and run 20 miles. It takes strength. It takes sheer will. Cue the all black attire and camo...

Welcome to the gun show!

I love these girls, and there is no way I could have made it through those 20 miles without them. We got whistles, we got cheers. I think I even heard one guy say "Look! There they go..." So what if we're up at 6AM on a Saturday. And so what if we're doing something that can hurt so, so badly. We've got eachother. And we're in it together. We're intertwined in one another's lives.

I mean after all, we are a "net" :)

To the L-Train...

2011-09-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

This is my first post to the blog...I apologize that my writing isn't as good as J Zeller's (that's right, she only changed 1 letter)...

What can be said about your best friend? The man that taught you how to bait a hook, how to always be true to your word, how to always try to be there for your friends and family, and how to work hard to get where you want to be in life.

For those of you that never knew Leroy Logan Ragsdale, he was a great man that anyone who knew him wanted to be like him in some way. He worked hard his whole life with the intent of providing for those he loved. He taught us how to be mindful with our finances and how to embrace the times with those you love.

I moved in with my grandparents when I was 11 years old, my Paps was 63 and my Nan was 60 at the time they took me in. They were great examples of how a person should live their life and that is why I believe they trusted in me to make wise decisions when they weren't around...and I did MOST of the time.

My Paps (the L-Train as he came to be known after I fell in love with an N2Deep song) and I used to fish nearly every weekend when we weren't mowing grass. At times we "slayed" them and at times we got "skunked" as he used to say but we always came home with a story. Whether it was the huge mess of crappie and bluegill we used to catch, or the time I threw his favorite rod and reel into Lake Patoka while making a cast, or when he nearly ran me over with the boat when I slipped on the trailer while trying to get loaded, we always came home with a story.

One of the greatest trips I ever took with the L-Train was as I graduated college. I intended to go to Europe with my friends for 2 weeks and my Paps gave me his blessing to do so. I remember him telling me, "my only fear is that if you get in trouble in Europe, I won't be able to help you" and he invited me to take a trip with him instead...and thankfully I did! We hopped in our car and headed to Florida for a week to ourselves. There were many stories told, lessons learned, and laughs shared. We took a deep sea fishing trip and landed a Cobia that was a mere 4 pounds off the Florida sate record...and no, this is not a fish story.

My grandpa was always there to give his opinion if you asked and asked I did whenever I had the chance. Whether I was going to take his direction or not I always knew it was important for him to have input into my decisions and that's one thing that I'll miss the most.

This past weekend was not one of ease by any means. My Nan handled it like the amazing woman she is and will always be. There were so many wonderful things said about my Paps that made me proud to stand there as his grandson. This may sound selfish but is not intended to be that way, something that I will always take with me were the compliments that people paid me on my grandfathers behalf. I felt like it was his way of telling me I had listened to the lessons he had taught me my entire life and that he was proud of the man I had become. All I ever wanted to do was make my grandparents proud. I only hope I am half the man for my family that my Pappaw was for ours...I will love you always!

Jeremy

FFFFF

2011-09-13T15:38:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we had the pleasure of heading down to Bedford for the Fortner Feller Family Fun Festival (or as Jessica coined it "FFFFF"). And while we received some horrible news while we were there regarding our beloved Paps, we still managed to turn those frowns upside down and pull off a pretty great weekend. So great, in fact, that the next rendition of FFFFF is already planned for late October! More fun for these little hooligans?

Yes. Please.

I can't wait to watch these 2 grow up and (fingers crossed!) become as close as

Darren and Jeremy.

Dads can built one heck of an amazing fort when their kids request a camp out!

Just too stinkin' cute...

Crack me up. Just love that little Emma. Clearly Jacob is a bit apprehensive!

Her little face just melts my heart!

Pappaw...

2011-09-04T11:11:00.000-07:00

Pappaw (Paps), Jacob, Luke, Nan

There's a large hole in our hearts today that may never be filled with his physical presence again, but it will be filled with love, memories, and the comfort of knowing that he is no longer struggling, no longer fighting, and is completely at rest. Happy, healthy, calm...

Heaven is a blessed place, Paps, and those that rest there are so lucky to have you within their presence. We love you so much.

And we'll continue to do things with you in mind, until we meet again...

"It's Britney, bitch."

2011-08-28T16:11:00.000-07:00

For those of you that may not know the lyrics of the ever so lively, Britney Spears, please don't take offense to the title of this post. It's actually one of her tag lines...so it's okay for me to say that. You know...because I NEVER swear.

Last week I had the pleasure of seeing Britney live. I can tell you the exact moment that I first heard her on the radio. I was living in Oxford, England during my Junior year of college. I was standing in the kitchen of my flat and "Hit Me Baby One More Time" came on the radio.

Fell. In. Love.

If some teeny bopper musician comes out with a great enough beat for me to shake my tailfeather at, you better believe I'll be dancing to it. And dance I did...for the next 12ish years as she rose to stardom. Sure, girl has had her issues. Ok, if you read the news then you know they've been some pretty big issues. But alas, she's back...

Kind of.

I'm not going to lie, it certainly wasn't the best concert I've ever been to. Poor girl just didn't really "bring it". But, I was out for a night on the town, with my girls, without my boys, and with some beers. A girl really can't find much wrong with any of that :)

Downtown Indy before the concert...

Just before heading over to the venue...

Showtime baby!

Thanks for the pics, Kel!

My boys...

2011-08-28T07:54:00.001-07:00

Nanny and Pappaw...

2011-08-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there just aren't words to convey how much you can love a person. There are people in this world who can teach you more in one conversation than you can learn from others in an entire lifetime. Once in awhile, a person comes into your life who you want to make proud...all the time...with everything you do. And you don't want to make them proud because you feel like you are trying to prove anything to them. You want to make them proud because seeing their face light up, with that million dollar smile, is worth more than any anything.

And if you're lucky...and I mean REALLY lucky...these people are family. And you thank God every single day for the fact that when He chose you, and the family you would join, He put them at the head of it.

Nan and Paps, I hope you know how much you mean to us and so many others. And how many, many, years from now we will continue to tell stories about you. Because the stories are countless, and they're worth telling.

We love you!

Lake trip with friends, August 2011

2011-08-09T16:20:00.000-07:00

We headed up toward South Bend a few weeks ago to meet some of our closest friends, Rach and Jake, and their little guy, Ethan. Rachel has been my best friend since college. If someone told me that I had to move to a deserted island and I could only take a handful of people with me, she'd be at the top of the list right behind my family. Rach is just one of those people who makes other people's lives better just by being a part of it. So clearly, I was dying to see her.

And Jake? Well, quite frankly we couldn't have picked a better husband for her if we tried. I'm pretty sure Jake and Jer fell in love when they met, too. So typically during our vacations, if you see one of them the other isn't far behind.

One of Rachel's best friends from high school has a lake house a few hours north of us. Audra and her family welcomed us with open arms. We had an absolute blast spending 3 days with all of them. Living in swim suits. Drinking cold drinks. Eating some wonderful home cooked meals. There were kids everywhere. And they all had a blast. Sure, vacations have changed. We've all had children and all of a sudden vacations include responsibility and communal parenting. But that just goes unsaid...and I always knew that if I happened to question where one of the boys were, SOMEONE immediately knew. Just as I knew where one of theirs was, too.

I love mini vacations. I love making memories with friends who I consider family. I love to document life...

Mommy's new toy...

2011-07-09T13:47:00.001-07:00

Marathon training has begun. In 17 short weeks I will be at the start line of the Indianapolis Monumental Marathon, surrounded by friends and family...people I love and hold dear to my heart.

I'm back to the days of a 4:45AM wake up call followed by an hour or so of pounding the pavement. And then there's the dreaded weekend long runs. 10, 12, 18, 20...you catch my drift. There are miles. Lots and lots of miles.

This past weekend was my first long run with my new double jogging stroller.

I. Am. In. Heaven.

It's not a purchase I ever intended on making, and I thought men and women out there with these large contraptions were, quite frankly, super human. That's a lot of weight to be pushing while also working the heck out of your legs. But I needed to run this weekend at a time which Jeremy was unable to stay home with the boys. Two options...find a sitter for 7AM, or buy a double stroller.

The latter won by a landslide.

As I started out I kept repeating over and over in my head 'I don't have to push a double stroller, I get to push a double stroller'. I have two beautiful children who I am blessed to take on these runs with me. Many people would kill for this luxury. You look at anything in life through lens like this and even the highest obstacle is surmountable.

I actually smiled for a large majority of my run. I was doing it. And I was doing well. Luke kept me entertained with songs, and questions, and saying good morning to passersby. I had a blast.

And my favorite part? Well, that had to be when I passed a group of 3 women out for a run and had to stop to let them through a narrow portion of the sidewalk. Here I am, beaming with pride at what I am accomplishing. And they're running, too...so we are all part of the same club. I smile widely as they pass and compliment me on how darling the boys are, etc. And as the last one pulls through she pats me on the shoulder and says "thanks for letting us through, have a great walk!"

Oh it's no problem, anytime...wait...WHAT?! WALK?! Who the hell is walking around here lady? Not me! I honestly wanted to turn around and run after her to show her just exactly what I was doing. But I decided against it, and I ventured on to finish my 10 mile journey right back to our doorstep.

I run because I can, not because I have to...

Summing it up...

2011-07-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

I came across this quote today, completely unexpectedly, and immediately began to cry. (Shocker there, I know.)

"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."

Nothing has ever been more fitting in my entire life.

Lucas (Luke) Jonathan Feller, age 3

Jacob Logan Feller, age 1

Happy 4th of July! (Kind of...)

2011-07-05T03:54:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was one of the best we've had all summer. Lots of sunshine. Lots of time spent at the pool. Lots of trips out to eat, and out for ice cream, and out for walks around the neighborhood.

My babies are glowing from the sun, and their hair is that angelic shade of white-blonde, and their laughter spreads so far that I can hear it no matter where I am.

This was the perfect weekend. In fact, just yesterday I texted Kel to tell her this...
"My boys are playing together in the toy room. NICELY. Neither has asked for Jer or me in awhile. This may be the best day of my entire life. FREEDOM!"

The next text to Kel (a few hours later) said this...
"On way to ER. Jacob fell and gashed his forehead open."

Yep, best day ever turned out to be not such a great night. Let me back up a bit.

I'd just finished the dish we were taking to our friend's house for a cookout. Jeremy had just changed Jacob's diaper and Luke was playing in the kitchen. I vaguely remember hearing Jeremy ask Jacob for the wipes. As is customary, Jacob had stood up from the diaper changing, grabbed the wipes and ran. I heard them go toward the front entry way, heard the crinkling of the wipes package and saw Jeremy turn around to put them back on the table. And then all hell broke loose.

We both heard a crash, and then a thud, and then a blood curdling scream. I'm not going to lie, I didn't run. Jeremy did, but I just kind of mosied on over there because I'm so used to falls with these boys. I came around the corner, heard Jeremy yell, looked up and saw blood. EVERYWHERE. The good news is that I don't mind the sight of blood at all, so it was nothing for me to literally run to him, swoop him into my arms and wait for Jeremy to get a towel for me to apply pressure to the wound. The problem was that we had no idea how many wounds there were. The blood literally covered his face, nose, eyes and mouth.

I covered his head in a towel and high tailed it to my neighbor's house. She's currently in nursing school and I was praying that she'd done her Ped's rotation. No such luck. It starts today...literally. So while Jeremy cleaned the blood up from the floor, and my neighbors bandaged up Jacob's head, I called my sister Betsy knowing she had dealt with stitches before. She gave me some advice and descriptions on what to look for in the wound, and yep...we needed to go to the ER.

So 4 hours (yes, FOUR HOURS) later, sweet little baby Jacob had been stitched up and we were on our way back home.

Jeremy had stayed behind with Luke, and apparently had been texting and calling me the entire time we were gone. Wouldn't you know that of all the places a girl can get cell phone reception, the Emergency Room is NOT one of them?! So as we waited for the nurse to come back in (she said 15 minutes, it was 90) to check the numbing cream, in walks Daddy. I assumed maybe he'd left Luke with the neighbors or had called Kel to come over, but nope...two steps behind him was little man.

I busted out laughing while Jeremy took the baby from me. He cannot stand to see sweet little Jacob in pain. He was barely listening when I said "What did you do? Tell Luke to lie down in the back seat of your car and not sit up while you drove here and watched for cops?"
"Nope. Buckled him right into the front seat, told him we were being illegal and that I'd explain everything to the police if we got pulled over."

Oh. My. Goodness. I'm still laughing just thinking about how exciting Luke must have thought all of that was. And we sure do love our daddy. Nothing is getting in the way of him being with his little men.

So I think we're all good now. Jacob seems to be comfortable and we're not missing a beat when the timer goes off and it's time to administer more pain meds or clean and dress the wound.

And as the ER doctor told me last night (while Jacob was laughing hysterically and trying to catapult himself over the edge of the hospital bed...no joke), I'm pretty sure this is just the first of many trips to the hospital with him...

A little blurry from the phone camera, but you catch my drift. Try keeping that on a toddler!

Thankfully it was nigh-night time, so after a LOT of walking around the room he crashed.

On the way home; a much happier camper :)

A better look at the wound, but still doesn't do it justice. He hit it good!

Road trip to Nana's new house!

2011-06-26T17:25:00.001-07:00

When I was a little girl, I used to love going to visit our extended families in Jacksonville, Illinois. (I did NOT love the 7 hour drive from Des Moines, though!) There are two places that will forever be etched on my heart due to the memories which were made there.

One, Grandma and Grandpa Zeller's old farm house. They had the world's best fields in which to play ghost in the graveyard with my cousins. (p.s. There are over 30 grandchildren on both my mom's and dad's sides of the family, so there were a lot of people at every event!) And my grandmother had the most amazing costume jewelry in the bureau drawers in one of the upstairs bedrooms. And there was always a wonderful yummy smell coming from the kitchen!

And two, my Aunt Janet's house. My Aunt Janet is, hands down, one of my favorite people on the planet. No matter how many times she moved to a different house in Jacksonville while I was growing up, every time I stepped into one it just felt like home. She is one very special lady, and I hope and pray my children have as many opportunities to spend time with her while they grow up as I did.

So life has now come full circle, and our very own Nana has moved home to Jacksonville, and this weekend I took the boys back "home" to see her and her new house. (FYI, whenever we were going to Jacksonville as a family, Mom always said "We're going home for a few weeks". And you just knew where we were headed!)

And, oh, what a weekend we had...

Mom's house is just the most adorable place I've ever stayed. And you can tell that she is just so happy being back home! I absolutely loved visiting this past weekend and cannot wait to go back.

And as if the weekend wasn't already perfect, my sister Betsy and her kids came down to stay with us, too. Again, full circle... My babies playing non stop with their cousins at their Nana's house and at Missy's (my cousin, Aunt Janet's daughter) house. We all sat in the back yard at Missy's pool this morning and I just sat back and took it all in.

Mom was in the pool with the older kids, and Missy, and her girls, Chloe and Claire, and Aunt Janet were taking turns with Jacob. I was in heaven.

This town is a place where you don't have to lock your doors. Where neighbors come out every night and congregate in the middle of the street to chat about their days. Where you find yourself standing in someone's way at WalMart and THEY say they're sorry for standing where they were standing. (Seriously, it happened to me, and I nearly passed out.)

Thank you, Jacksonville, for never changing. And for providing one hell of a weekend away.

And thank you, Nana, for just being you :)

Nana and Hannah

Jacob and Aunt Beets doing "Cheers" with their drinks.

Love this!

Jacob helping out and sweeping Nana's floors.

Hannah

Sweet little Hannah and Luke having a nice conversation over donuts on Saturday morning

The boy typically eats yogurt and fruit for breakfast, so this was kind of a big deal.

Who's behind that curtain?!

Peek a boo!

Saturday night dessert. Dirty clothes, ragged hair, sweaty skin. The perfect ending to a great day!

Lukey had to bathe in the "special tub" due to the boil order Mom was under because of the recent floods. I'm quite frankly OVER boil orders. So I won't even talk about it. Wanna know what it is? Look it up. And please pray that it is lifted soon!

Jacob was reading the Sunday paper with Nana in the sitting room.

Note the shoes. Hot pink! Hannah was still sleeping this morning and we couldn't find his shoes so we took the next best thing :)

I had so much fun following these two around while they played.

Great side porch for lots of running!

Playing in the courtyard. This house is absolutely AMAZING!

Until next time...bye bye!

Ragnar Relay 2011...a journey of 197 miles

2011-06-18T03:40:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year I received a text from Kelly that read something like this...

"Relay from Madison, WI to Chicago in June. I need 11 other runners. You in?"

Duh.

It took us a little while to recruit the other 10 (apparently the mere thought of running this race is appalingly crazy to some...they'd be correct). But we did it. We found 10 other women; friends, family members, and complete strangers, to run this race with us.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you 12 Tutu's and 24 Tata's...

Whoever said tutu's aren't hot hasn't seen us rock 'em at 5:45AM!

These are 11 of the strongest, most amazing women I have ever met and have grown to love. We experienced something so physically daunting and emotionally draining together. It was, hands down, one of the most raw experiences of my life. This race will strip you to the core, and then look you in the eyes and tell you that you still have more miles to run. So lace up, sister, because just when you thought you couldn't take one more step you find yourself running for your life knowing there is a team of ladies counting on you.

There were over 360 teams that competed in the Chicago relay. Teams consisted of 6 to 12 people. (I could write an entire post about the admiration I have for the men and women who chose to run this on an ultra team; a team of 6. I am strong, I love to run, and I can muster up some serious endurance when I need to, but that is something I will never accomplish.) There were staggered starts from 6AM until 12PM, so it wasn't your typical "the gun goes off and you all start running" kind of race. I'm accustomed to starting a race with 29,999 other people. This time I started alone.

The legs of the race were difficult. Hills. Lots of hills. And dirt trails. And highways with speeding cars. It was scary at times, yes. But it was also completely exhilirating. Well, after you crossed your exchange, handed the baton off to the next runner, stripped out of your sweaty clothes and got some chocolate milk...THEN it was exhilirating! My dad texted me and asked what it was like, and if I was having fun. I likened it to childbirth. There were parts that I absolutely hated. But more than likely I'll forget the pain (already have) and won't be able to remember any of the bad parts of the race. Which, of course, will totally lead me to running this thing again next year. Damn you, Kel :) I love you, girl, and you know I am always here to run any of life's races together...right by your side.

She encouraged me to lace up and take that first step 3 years ago. The rest is history.

I am so proud to have been a part of this team. These women absolutely amaze me in their own special way. There was laughter, there were tears, there were choice words thrown around that some people would only hear coming out of a sailor's mouth. Give a girl very little sleep, lots of sweat, and more port-a-potties than you care to think of and she'll throw her very lady like qualities right out the window.

Running has become such a release for me over the past few years. I started running after Luke was born to try and find balance between being a mommy, a wife and a full time career woman. Hearing the stories of these ladies and why they began running will bring tears to your eyes. Everyone has a different tale to tell. Everyone has their "I run because..." story tatooed on their hearts.

Oh these ladies and their stories; how I love them...

Betsy's first leg of the race, and I mean, really...why wouldn't Melissa be on the side of the road, in a tutu, holding an orange flag?! She kicked some serious butt in this race and hands down was our van's best cheerleader. Kicks and all!

My sister, Betsy, amazes me. Just two years ago her world was turned completely upside down, sideways, and spun around 10,000 times. She woke early one Saturday morning to her husband's boisterous laughter, and went to bed that very night planning his funeral. I still get nauseous talking about Chris dying. I still have questions. I still want to know if someone held his hand after he collapsed in the parking lot. But you know who has never collapsed? Betsy. This woman has opened her eyes, prayed to God, and gotten out of bed EVERY SINGLE DAY since Chris died. There's not a chance in hell that she could have made it through these past two years without God, and running. The amount of sheer will and determination that comes over her as she begins a run is nothing short of amazing to witness. She once told me that she envisions a crucifix off in the distance while running, and that it can help her go for hours. You go girl, you're kind of my idol. You are one of the strongest women I have ever met, Bets, and I am so blessed to call you my sister. I love you!

Betsy showing off her ballerina moves. She wanted to prove to Megan and Hannah that Mommy can still get her move on!

And while we are on the subject of sisters, I'd like to introduce you to someone else who inspires me in an idol like way. Meet my oldest sister, Amy...

Yes folks, that is air under her feet. She was literally jumping up and down waiting for me to pass off the baton!

Amy has also only been running for two years, and sister can rock out some serious miles at a serious pace. Head on over to her blog to learn her story...http://joergermom.blogspot.com.

So you may ask what it is about Amy that inspires me when she runs?

It's her smile. Her ear to ear grin. The. Entire. Time.

Not a lot of people want to smile...EVER...so the fact that Amy can do it while exerting some serious energy is simply amazing to me. And I freaking love it. There are a million reasons why a person may choose not to smile at any point in a day. I love that my sister tries to find just one reason to wear her grin with pride. And it doesn't take much. She's healthy. She's alive. She's headed for adventure in every sense of the word. I can't wait to see what other races she has in store for herself!

Amy passing off the baton to Betsy.

The amazing women in my family...Ashley, Betsy, Amy and myself. Thank you for joining me on this crazy adventure and for continually being a part of life's memories that are etched on my mind and in my heart. So proud of all of you!

There wasn't one person on our team of 12 that knew every other girl before we met in Madison. We had runners from California, Wisconsin, Kansas, Illinois and Indiana. We started as strangers who share a passion for running and fun. We left as friends.

Van #1. Kel, Amanda, Ashley, Kerri, Laura and Erin.

Van #2. Ash, Melissa, Karie, Betsy, me and Amy.

Yes, we know we run like girls. Try to keep up.

Tutu's and Tata's one third of the way through the race.

And at the finish line at Montrose Beach in Chicago. Those of us kneeling down in the front row were fairly certain we weren't going to make it up from this position.

I parked this van like a pro!

These little blue signs were a site for sore eyes at the end of each leg. Loved seeing them because it meant I was done running for a bit!

Betsy's in laws, Lynn and Dick, greeted us as we passed through Highland Park. Love them!

Just your average Friday afternoon. Girl talk, running, and tutu fluffing.

Thank you, ladies, for the adventure of a lifetime. You all will always be a part of such a special memory for me. It was an honor for me to meet you. To hear your stories. To laugh with you. To cry with you. And to run across that finish line with you.

Onto the next...

This little boy...

2011-05-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

*thanks for the picture, Kel!

This little one makes me smile. All the time. There's just nothing better than a hug from him just after he's woken up, or how his face lights up when he sees me come into his classroom at school to pick him up for the day. Talk about my heart swelling!

And nighttime is our time. Every night I put the boys to bed. Jeremy has morning duty, I get the evenings. Sure, there are times that I ask Luke if he wants Mommy or Daddy to put him to bed, and I silently beg him to answer Daddy just so I can sit on the couch and zone in on the television for a few minutes.

But alas, it's our thing. He typically says Mommy, and we head upstairs for our nightly routine.

So the other night Luke was taking forever and a day on the toilet. So I walked away. I came back a few minutes later and he's talking to his friends...doggie and ducky.

Here's the conversation...

Me: Luke, are you done yet?

Luke: No. I'm teaching doggie and ducky about Kentucky.

Me: Huh? What about Kentucky? Wait, how did you learn the word Kentucky? Do you even know what that is?

Luke: Yes, I know.

Me: Ok, what is it?

Luke: It's across the state line.

Me (laughing hysterically all while also being completely floored): Well, yeah, it is across the state line. Who taught you that? Did Daddy teach you that?

Luke: Nope.

Me: Ok. Well is there anything else you want to school me on regarding state lines?

Luke: Sure. There's also Michigan. And Ohio, too. Did you know that?

Me (screaming): Jeremy, get up here!!!

I mean...really?! I so wish that I'd had this on video recorder. Plain as day. Thought I was talking to a 10 year old. I think we may be in trouble with this one. But at least I know my daycare tuition is well spent :)

A little of what we've been up to...

2011-05-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy 2011 - and it's only May! I honestly have no idea how couples ever make the jump from two to three children. We haven't even begun the true rush of two in baseball, soccer, swimming, etc. Seriously? We will lose our minds!

And don't even get me started on the noise level of two littles. Jeremy and I both have always enjoyed a very calm, quiet household (which is shocking considering I was raised with four brothers and sisters). We like order. Things are rarely gray for either of us...life for both of us is very black and white.

Well, children change that :) At any given point in the day, screams can be heard anywhere in the house. Cries. Fits of laughter. Sippy cups being dropped (or thrown if you ask me - Jacob is notorious for this not so funny game!).

Of course I wouldn't change anything if given the opportunity. I'm just saying that we've all had to make some adjustments in our lives and while things at times seem a little less than orderly, in the end it all works out.

We've kept ourselves busy this last month or two with karate, soccer, visits from family (Nana, you saved our lives by taking a week and coming to stay while Jeremy was in Florida - thank you so much!!), the Mini Marathon, Mother's Day, and Jacob's dedication at church. This weekend has been just as crazy...lots of running from here to there. But next weekend...ooohhh next weekend. Grandma and Pops are taking the boys (THANK YOU!), Jeremy is in a bazillion hole golf tourney (anything over 18 holes is a bazillion in my book) and I am headed on a girl's getaway. Lake house, wine, great food, wine, crafting, wine, gossip...you name it, we'll do it (did I mention there will be wine?). I simply cannot wait to get away.

And I'm sure by the end of it all, I will be very ready, and very happy, to get back to this life that I call my own...

They're playing together more these days. Darling!

No joke, we should have named him Linus. The blanket goes EVERYWHERE.

This is what I imagine I will see in 13 years or so.

Just sayin' hey to Daddy and me.

Family photo before the dedication. (Note the blanket; that's not a brown sash on me!)

Our head pastor, Steve, walking Jacob across the stage.

Fairly certain Jacob was the only one in our family listening when this shot was taken. Whoops!

Papa and Luke and their favorite pasttime...grilling!

Luke just getting ready to flip some burgers!

Just fyi...

2011-05-10T17:14:00.000-07:00

This is how tired I have been lately:

Notice anything wrong with this picture?

Here, take a closer look:

Yep! There it is. The coffee pot INSIDE the coffee cup cabinet. It's certainly not where that's supposed to go!

We did it!

2011-05-07T12:14:00.001-07:00

Happy Mini Marathon 2011!

Uncle RoRo and me (I totally beat him. Oh wait...)

Me and my bestie! First time to run together in too long! Love you, Kel!

Just because I'm his mom...and he's cute!

2011-04-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

Nothing like a little blast from the past!

Crouching Tigers

2011-04-23T06:35:00.000-07:00

Our little man, Luke, has become quite the extracurricular activity extraordinaire. A few months ago we enrolled him in a martial arts program at school. So every Tuesday our little "crouching tiger hidden dragon", as daddy likes to call him, attends a class that builds both physical and emotional strength while teaching kids about fitness, nutrition, self confidence, the negative effects of bullying, etc.

Twice now we have had the opportunity to attend Luke's promotion ceremony at school. I can't tell you how sweet it is to listen to your 3 year old recite the definition of words like integrity, confidence and bravery. These are definitely lessons that I hope he remembers as he continues to grow up!

Reach for the stars!

A little head...

...shoulders...

...knees and...

...toes!

Just your average yogi tree pose :)

His first board break. We were so proud!

Yay little man!

This picture (and the one below it) are from the second promotion ceremony. I couldn't miss work for this one, so Jeremy and Papa attended. I have no idea what the above look is about, but I busted out laughing when I saw it. And the picture below? PURE joy. He is having so much fun, and I literally grin from ear to ear when I look at this one.

We've also got him enrolled in soccer again this spring, and this year there aren't parents on the field. Absolutely hilarious! I'll be sure to post pictures of that sometime soon.

Finally! Some warm weather!

2011-04-10T18:47:00.001-07:00

What a gorgeous weekend! Lots of playing outside. Lots of fresh fruit eaten. Lots of fits of giggles out of my little men.

Hello Spring! How I missed you so! (Although I didn't miss the high winds. Which, I might add, uplifted the bounce house, which was staked into the ground, AND the attached blower up OVER our fence from our front yard to our back. Thank God my boys weren't inside and the dogs got out of the way!)

Anyone else want to just eat him up?

This one is for you, Grandma!

2011-04-04T17:23:00.001-07:00

Go Dawgs!

Uh oh, this could be a sign of something bad!

2011-04-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

I'm a runner, and I love that about myself. I run for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which is to stay in shape and use the time pounding the pavement to clear my head. I laugh during runs, I'll even cry during runs. I'll dance to the music; I'll stop to catch my breath and enjoy some scenery, etc. Every Saturday morning I head out for a long run. Just me, my fuel belt, my music and the road beneath me. It is "my time"....and I absolutely love it.

About 10 days ago I was lying in bed reading a story to Luke, and I started to mindlessly rotate my ankles. Left foot...check. Right foot...um, why can't I rotate my right ankle? No biggie. Probably just strained it a bit.

That next morning I woke and went out for 8 miles. I felt great! (Well, my thighs were numb due to the temperature, but that's beside the point, right?) My breathing felt right, my stride and my time were awesome, and there wasn't a hint of pain in that silly ankle. Yay me!

Two days later I woke before work and headed out again. I love my morning runs now that the temps are somewhat high enough for me to run outside. This girl LOATHES the treadmill. Some may think I am crazy, but there is something so peaceful about a run in the pitch black at 5AM. Love it...

What happened next I did not expect. It started as a hint of pain in my ankle, specifically in the Achilles tendon area, and it was getting worse by the step. At one point I almost had to knock on a stranger's door to see if someone could drive me home. Figured no one would appreciate that at 5:30AM, so I hobbled my way through and made it safely home.

Jeremy played nurse for the next few days. We started with an ice pack wrapped in a towel for a bit, and that did nothing. I took lots of pain medicine! I was starting to limp a lot, and stairs were becoming next to impossible. Finally, I did something I never dreamed I would do...I submerged my leg, up to my knee, into a bucket of ice and water and left it there for 30 minutes.

Holy smokes! I'm fairly certain that enduring labor without drugs would be more comfortable.

God love Jeremy - he tried talking me through it. "Babe, NFL players put their whole body in an ice tub!" Right, and they're making millions! I am making nothing. I'm just a regular old, 30 something, mommy of two...I run for fun, not for money. This was painful! But alas, it helped with the swelling...for a bit.

I repeated the ice bucket a second time, and even worked from home one day last week to elevate my foot and stay off of it. I really seemed to be turning a corner...at least I thought I was.

It had been 5 days since I had run. Of course I was beginning to panic. I have races to train for people! How in the world was I supposed to limp my way through my mileage to prepare for everything? So when I woke yesterday morning feeling good, I went for it. 9 miles. So excited to be back out there.

Wrong choice ladies and gentlemen...WRONG choice. Sure the tendon felt fine during the run (except for the last 2 miles but I chalked that up to it just being annoyed with me for trying to tackle such a long distance right off the bat). I was so happy with the end result. Again, great breathing, great time, great stride. But the aftermath? Houston, we have a problem.

There is now an audible creak in my tendon every time I take a step and this puppy feels just two steps shy of snapping in half. And if people can't hear the creaking, I'm fairly certain the look of sheer pain on my face may give something away. The tendon area is completely swollen, and if I even look at it, let alone touch it, I literally jump from my seat.

Not good, right? Yep, I didn't think so either.

At this point all I can really do is pray. Oh, and keep up that stupid ice bucket.

And while I realize this topic is hardly "blog worthy", I needed a place to just get it all out; to write through my fear that I have seriously messed something up. Plus, I figure it's probably a good idea to have it all written down. So that come mid week when I've iced the heck out of this thing and am feeling pretty good, I can come back and read this and remind myself that it's still probably too early and that I still need to take more time off.

I've got races to train for...I need to run, it's what I do. Praying, praying, praying....

Our sweet, sweet boy....

2011-03-20T17:00:00.000-07:00

One year ago today, at 2:15PM, our littlest man came into the world. And they didn't let me hold him. They sat him on my chest and rubbed him furiously while begging him to breathe. The rubbing didn't work. It took 7 nurses, 3 doctors, a ventilator and lots of wires and tubes. It was pure hell. But thank God we went through it - because look who we have now...

I couldn't wait to get my hands on my sweet baby this morning. He was so happy and so snuggly! Such a wonderful day. We partied with friends. He smashed the cake. Friends and family were present. It was a day of pure love and celebration. More to come on that later once I have a chance to sort through all of the pictures (and catch my breath for a second).

Today at 2:15PM I grabbed my boy and snuck away. We went up to his room and sat in his chair. He laid his head on my shoulder as we rocked and I whispered over and over "Happy birthday. I love you, our sweet, sweet boy".

Today at 2:15PM Jacob turned exactly one year old. And today at I held my son...

I got nothin'...

2011-02-06T14:58:00.000-08:00

...of any value to report, that is.

However, I know how much you all must crave for a Feller Life update (duh, we're kind of awesome) so here goes nothin'...

It's cold. Like chilled to your bones cold. Indiana was hit hard in the last week with ice and snow. Schools have been closed since last Tuesday. In fact, literally seconds ago they announced on the news that the jury is still out on whether the city public schools will be open tomorrow. Now that's just crazy. Those poor parents! I mean when you're used to your kids being in school all day, and all of a sudden they're home, inside, with nowhere to go and increasing levels of cabin fever are setting in...NO THANK YOU.

I am, however, extremely thankful everyone is safe, and that we are blessed to have a roof over our heads and a warm bed to sleep in at night. Times like these make me realize just how precious our life is.

And so, with nothing of any meaning left to say (or write), I give you pictures - enjoy!

This is literally the beginning of it all. This is nothing in comparison to what the back porch looks like now.

This was the veil of ice that began piling on our back porch on Tuesday evening. Don't judge the scratches in the door frame. Two dogs people, two big dogs.

This one makes me laugh because Luke and I were in awe over the amount of snow on the table. There's three times that much on there now!

Kelly's birthday was this week, so with the storm I had lots of time to make her things!

Exhibit A: gray felt flower pin; envisioned in my mind on a wool coat.

Exhibit B: a pink tulle pin; envisioned in my mind on a cute tank, cuffed jeans or a cute skirt and flip flops in the summer. Aaahhh...the warm weather sounds fabulous!

And this one's just because I'm their Mama, and I love 'em :)

I wasn't expecting this...

2011-01-23T20:55:00.000-08:00

I was uploading pictures to our family picture site today, and I ran across an album that I honestly can't remember having ever seen. I know exactly when the pictures were taken, as I was (painfully) there. And while I know exactly when they were taken, I remember very little of the situation as a whole. I never thought I would get to a point in which those 4 days would become a bit of a blur...but apparently they have.

The album description told me that my best girl, Kelly, was the owner of the pictures and at some point I must have uploaded them to my site. But again, I don't recall ever looking through the online album. So I clicked on the cover to see the contents...

What I saw hit me like a ton of bricks, and I cried. But these bricks weren't the hard, gut wrenching, knock the wind out of you in a bad way bricks. These were bricks of strength. Bricks of a foundation built on faith in a God that we don't see, but that we know exists. A God that was there the minute Jacob was conceived through his scary first few days of life, and every second since.

I emailed Kel about the pictures today and told her thank you again. She stayed with me that first night in the hospital while Jeremy came home to sleep in our bed after a very draining day. Kel woke with me every two hours all night long so I could pump. And literally the second I'd finish pumping, she'd take over so I could immediately go back to sleep.

She journaled how long I pumped for the nurses. She filled the syringes with the "liquid gold" for Jacob. She cleaned the pump parts and laid them out to dry until the next round, before venturing down the hall, syringes in hand, to deliver the goods to my baby.

And I know she didn't just drop them off and go. She stayed. Even if just for a second, she explained to the nurses who she was, why she was there, and that I needed rest so she was doing this on my behalf. She's never told me this, but I guarantee you she stopped to look at him every time. She snuggled and squeezed and loved on him the best she could all through her mind, knowing she couldn't touch him because of all the wires and tubes.

She was a best friend, and she told me today that she was honored to be there.

I still don't remember this moment. I don't remember going to see Jacob with Kelly, but apparently I did. This whole time I believed she only went with Jeremy or by herself. She told me today that she was there with me, and with her camera, and that she stood off to the side and watched me fall for my son...hard.

She said she felt a bit awkward being there, off in the distance, taking pictures of a very intimate moment, but that she knew I'd want to see this. She knew that one day I'd need to see the love that I was giving him.

I didn't know that today was that day. I didn't know about these pictures.

There just aren't adequate words...xoxo.

As different as night and day!

2011-01-23T05:08:00.000-08:00

People always told me that child number two would be the exact opposite of child number one. And in some regards, these people were right. Luke is very attached to both Jeremy and me. Ever since he began crawling, he wouldn't go far before turning around to see if we were following. And if we weren't? Right back to us he came, crawling up our legs begging to be held. And still, at three years old, he'll rarely head into a different room without wanting one of us to accompany him. And don't get me wrong, we love it. We love that he wants us to be around and wants us to play. But...sometimes a mommy and daddy need just a second to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee (or two) in the morning before diving head first into fighting with action figures, racing cars, and getting schooled at Toy Story dominoes!

Jacob on the other hand? Captain Independence. As long as we can hear him talking (oh the talking! He and Luke are 100% alike in that non stop department!) in the other room he'll play by himself forever. He'll let us play if we'd like to. We'll join in, he'll smile and laugh and love on us for a second...and then he's gone. Like a flash of lightning he's taken off across the floor to his next very important destination and really, quite frankly, he could care less who's going with him.

So yesterday as I am getting lunch ready for Luke, I muttered something to myself about the multiple cans of spaghettios in our cabinet that will more than likely go uneaten. Unless we convince Luke that some super human power may come with the ingestion of dinosaur or sports ball shaped spaghettios, it's typically a fight (and one we often lose) to get him to eat them. But then I thought of Jacob...

This baby will eat ANYTHING. Now, in the sense of how much they can eat, he and Luke are identical. These two would eat all day, every day, if we let them. But Luke is very strict...very picky. No sauce on the noodles. The green beans have to be cold. Cheese is great, but preferably if it comes in the string variety.

Jacob, however, is a human trash compactor. I swear I could put a package of sardines in front of the child and he might eat them (and no, I'm not really going to try this). So I threw caution to the wind and heated the spaghettios for lunch. The following is proof that our cans will in fact NOT go uneaten!

Our brute force.

And our delicate rose.

Such sweet little babes. We couldn't love them more if we tried...

Huge sigh of relief

2011-01-17T16:57:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago on my birthday, my darling friend Audrey showed up at work with a gift - a brand new wine stopper and a bottle of Cab on the side.

Yes, please.

This past Friday was Aud's birthday, and I couldn't wait to make something for her. I did some research on a "do it yourself" website, and headed out to the local craft store for the goods.

Just as I finished the first of a two part present, Jeremy looked over at me and said "Did you just make that?" To which I, of course, beamed with pride and said "Yes!" His response? "Do you think she'll like it?"

Uh oh.

But I didn't let a little thing like that keep me down. Jeremy happens to be the best thing that could have happened to me in a spouse. He's as real as it gets. There's no gray with this guy. You know exactly where you stand at all times...I mean ALL times. So these little comments don't even phase me anymore (much). But this was something new and I was nervous. I mean we're talking about a gift for a girl with some serious style. I was either going to rock it or really crash and burn.

I finished part two, shot a few pictures for my files, wrapped the gift nicely and put it in my work bag before I could talk myself out of giving it to her. So glad I didn't listen to those little voices of doubt...

Audrey loved them! I mean LOVED them. She immediately put one on and it looked darling (which resulted in a huge sigh of relief out of me because I worried some may have thought she was channeling her inner Jane Fonda and rocking a sweat band with her silk sweater set and Nine West stilettos).

Side shot

Over the top shot

Yay me! And I promise the crafting posts are now over.

For at least a week.

A little crafting is good for the soul

2011-01-16T04:13:00.000-08:00

I've never been much of a "do it yourself" type person. Others in my immediate family are the exact opposite. My mom used to make my dresses for music concerts, school pictures, Confirmation in the church, etc. My sisters can walk in a room, envision what the final product will look like and before you know they've painted full on murals of castles and bows on their children's walls. My brothers and my dad have built fences, and finished basements from scratch. Don't even get me started on my sister in law! I swear if that woman was given a "do it yourself" challenge to decorate an entire home in less than $1000 she'd deliver...and hand you back the $500 that she saved.

Me? Not so much. I have so much patience in pretty much every other area of my life. But when it comes to making things...nada.

Until recently.

My girlfriend, Kelly, makes things all the time. Lots of crafting goes on over at her house. Wanting to be a bit more artistic in my abilities, I started following suit. She'd test something, I'd see it and fall in love, she'd tell me what to buy and how to make it and I'd give it a shot. A few projects have been less than stellar, but for the most part I've been rather proud of myself. And the therapy that comes out of sitting down with raw materials and ending up with a beautiful finished product is second to none (and a lot cheaper than the Psychologists I used to pay - ha!).

This past Christmas was a big undertaking for me. I wanted to buy a tutu for our niece and asked Kel for any store recommendations. Her answer was a list of items to buy from the craft store for less than $10. I must have texted back and forth with her 15 times telling her that I could never make a tutu and running down the list of reasons for said incapabilities. She had a rebuttal every time.

So I bought the materials and said a little prayer that all would turn out okay. The result, in my opinion, was just darling! So simple to make, and again so wonderful to see a finished product that started as a bunch of materials in a plastic bag.

Ada's tutu; Christmas 2010

So now it's just game on with these things! We are attending a birthday party today for one of Luke and Izzy's classmates, and Kel and I typically do a joint gift. I offered to make the tutu, she offered up the tulle. And voila!

Happy birthday, Maddy!

The flower was a spur of the moment decision, and I attached it to a barrette and clipped it on the belt of the tutu so she can take it off and wear it in her hair, too. I know, I know...talent :)

I'm proud of myself. I'm saving money, I'm having a blast, and I'm finding yet another way to teach my children that if you want something badly enough, you'll figure out a way to do it yourself. And the pride of doing so is worth every second!

So tell me...

2011-01-16T04:09:00.000-08:00

Could you say no to this face?

I didn't think so :)

Defining moments...

2011-01-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

There are defining moments in everyone's life. Good, bad or indifferent, there are these moments. Moments that can rock you to your core and make you fall to your knees in faith. Moments that may not seem like much at the time, but in hindsight can teach you more than you thought possible. Moments that may seem so dark and grim that you're not quite sure how you'll make it to the other side.

There are defining moments.

In the spring of 2008 I decided to make a change. I'd delivered Luke in October of 2007 and was trying to figure out this mommy thing. I was diving head first into a new job which was going to demand more hours than my previous role. I was trying to keep relationships going...my friends, my family, my husband. I won't lie, it was a lot to handle and it was tough. I needed something for me, so I went for a run.

The day I worked up to running a mile without stopping I emailed my friend, Kelly. Her response was brief. "We're running a race together." I laughed. 12 weeks later I crossed the finish line of the Indianapolis Monumental Half Marathon in 2:07.

Crossing that finish line was a defining moment; I was hooked.

Fast forward to January 2009. I was sitting in the Atlanta airport waiting on a flight back to Indianapolis. My friend, Kali, and I had been traveling for work and had been in more cities than we could count. Flights had been delayed, and then cancelled. We'd been put up in random hotels and had been living off of fountain sodas and junk food. We were exhausted.

We parked ourselves at our gate and I opened the latest issue of Runner's World magazine. Mindlessly thumbing through the pages and something caught my eye. The title of the article was "Running from Trouble" and the tag line described homeless drug addicts and ex cons who were training for a race with a young woman running through the streets of Philadelphia. What?!

I read a few lines and was completely engrossed, so I told Kali to settle into her chair and get comfy, because I was going to read her the story. We laughed, we cried, we questioned our own contribution to the world. When I was finished reading I closed the magazine, boarded the plane and flew home. I thought of that girl and those men in Philly many times over the course of training for multiple races, but I honestly never thought my path would cross with any of them.

Six weeks ago I received an email from one of Jeremy's fraternity brothers about an upcoming trip he was making to Indianapolis. He wanted to see us and meet the boys. He also wanted us to meet his girlfriend, and mentioned her charity starting a chapter in Indy. He had attached a flyer so we could learn more. When I opened the attachment and saw the words "Back on My Feet" staring at me I almost screamed. Frantically I emailed Brennan and practically shouted through the computer. 'You're dating the girl that started Back on My Feet?!? She's my hero!'

Anne and Brennan made the trip to Indianapolis which included a visit to our house. The minute Anne walked in I liked her. So down to earth, so easy to talk to, and both she and Brennan got down on our living room floor to play with our boys. That's a sign of good people. People who I would open my home to at any hour of the day or night.

I left the house that night for our friend Molly's birthday party and I couldn't stop thinking about Back on My Feet. What I knew of the organization came from an article in Runner's World and a brief conversation with Anne, but that was enough for me to know that I wanted to get involved.

Soon thereafter I received an email from my sister in law regarding our family Christmas gift exchange. Instead of drawing names and buying presents, each family was to make a charitable donation. I didn't hesitate for a second, I knew exactly where our money was going. But I also knew that I could, and would, do more.

Back on My Feet will officially launch in Indianapolis in March. I can't wait to see what great things are in store for not only those enrolled in the program, but for those of us that live here who can volunteer for the organization. This, my friends, could be a defining moment for so many people.

I'm registered to run the Indianapolis Mini Marathon in May and I've decided to fundraise for Back on My Feet. I've never raised funds for any of my races, and I've set a pretty decent goal. I'm confident that I can raise this money. I never knew the day would come when I would be able to combine my running and helping others. I've read about and donated to other organizations before, but nothing has ever taken a hold of me like this.

I'm proud of this moment.

And with that, I close this post with a link to my fundraising page. Please do not feel obligated to give, but know that I, and many others, appreciate anything you can offer. And above all else, please keep me and all of the other fundraisers out there in your thoughts and prayers as we set out to reach our goals.

Ready...set...

Go.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

2010-12-28T04:14:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2010 has come and gone. Decorations have been put up and taken down (thank goodness I have my normal house back!). Presents have been wrapped and unwrapped.

I have three piles in the corner of my living room...one to throw away (broken toys, ripped books), one to take to Goodwill (old toys, still good condition), and one to keep upstairs in the playroom (all the new shiny things we got for Christmas this year!).

I feel like we have our own reenactment of Toy Story 3 going on in our house. Those poor older toys, tossed to the side to be replaced by the newer, more exciting toys. Jeremy told me if I feel so badly that I should just leave all of them out. I looked at him like he had 20 heads. The walls seem to be literally caving in on us because we have so much stuff! I honestly can't complain, though. My boys are so loved, and so blessed to have such wonderful extended family members, and they want for nothing.

We've been able to spend quality time with a lot of family members over the last week. Nana Zeller came in from Chicago to spend a week with the boys. We went to Grandma and Pop's house the day after Christmas and then picked up Grandma Mathews at the airport that afternoon. These boys have been loved on and spoiled. Theyv'e baked cookies and played cars and sang songs. It's been a good week.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Nana and Luke. They were opening the 24th day of the Advent calendar that she bought for the boys. Luke was so excited to see the baby "Cheese-us" as he calls him - haha!

The boys on Christmas Eve in their matching pajamas from Nana. Poor little baby Jacob was so sick - look at those red cheeks! Fever, cough, ear infection, vomiting...you name it, the poor baby had it. Luckily we are now on the upswing!

The tree on Christmas morning before Luke came downstairs. Jacob, of course, missed the entire thing. I wasn't about to wake a sick, sleeping baby.

Opening presents took approximately 2 hours. Luke had to check each one, spell out his name, yell out "Hey! This is for me!" and then open one piece at a time. No ripping, no tearing, just deliberate pulling of the paper and continually saying "Get ready, I'm going to show you what this is in a minute, okay?"

Another Christmas has come and gone. Memories saved, traditions created. Here's to a safe and Happy New Year and a very prosperous, blessed 2011!

Here comes Santa Clause, here come Santa Clause!

2010-12-12T04:54:00.000-08:00

Every year my company puts on a great Christmas celebration for those of us with children. Dinner is served, the children go on a parade around the office and collect toys and treats at stops posted along the way, and of course Santa and Mrs. Clause stop by for a visit!

Last year I was pregnant with Jacob and at the last minute Jeremy was called up to Ft. Wayne on business. I struggled through parading a 2 year old around while carrying a 7 month pregnant belly in all its glory. Let me tell you - mama was a much happier camper this year!

Lukey got to help Santa and Mrs. Clause sing "Jingle Bells" for the crowd.

L.O.V.E. this picture. Jacob's face is hilarious! He never once cried or showed a bit of doubt toward Santa. He was just so darn enthralled with that beard!

Telling Santa and Mrs. Clause what they want for Christmas. (p.s. for Luke, it's an elephant. Yes, like a real one that is apparently going to live in our backyard. But never fear, he's put out the word that said elephant can be "just a little guy" if we prefer. Um...right.)

I loved taking our boys to see Santa. And I love even more that it was completely free (we even get reimbursed for the gifts that we buy them - I couldn't love my company more!). And now it's time to get wrapping on all of our Christmas presents. It's time for Jeremy and I to bring the magic of the season into our own home. I can't wait to see their little faces come Christmas morning!

Just a good old fashioned picture post

2010-12-04T09:28:00.000-08:00

Jeremy was looking through our pictures this morning and kept asking "Did you put this one up?" "What about this one?" "Oh, this is so cute - did you post this?"

Um...nope. So here goes...just a good old fashioned picture post!

This one was taken awhile ago; as in like the summer! I had just swaddled Jacob and Luke wanted to do the same with his baby (aka the monkey).

Packing monkey snugly into the bouncer and providing blocks on the tray for endless hours o' fun!

Luke received a piggy bank (well, monkey bank) from Nana and has a slight obsession with putting change in it.

No comment - hahaha!!

I melt every time I see these two playing together.

Lukey riding his trike in October. We worked on it all summer and come fall little man finally got it! And now, of course, there's snow on the ground and we can't pull the trike out!

Lukey with his birthday cake (which, p.s., he won in the cake walk at the Fall Festival at school) and mini pumpkins that we painted.

Who, me?

Gerber baby in the Florida Gators hat from Grandma M.

Three of my lovies snoozin'...

I found him having just unloaded all the clean laundry and climbing into the basket.

Took this one right after he woke from nap #1 the day of his tube surgery. Totally different baby. And he was in hog heaven! All those toys...no Luke...all to himself!

I worked late the other night and got hom just in time to put Luke down. He greeted me at the door in his robe just after getting out of the bath. So stinkin' cute!

Prayers are much appreciated

2010-11-28T18:14:00.000-08:00

Well, the time has come for us to figure out a new route to go with poor baby Jacob's little ears and ear infections. These rounds of antibiotics just aren't cutting it anymore and our poor little munchkin has to be miserable. (Although to be honest, you'd never know it. I can't get over how happy this baby is!)

So...tubes it is. We put tubes in for Luke at 6 months and they worked wonders! Well, until the worst ear infection I've ever seen pushed them out, but that was 2.5 years later. So, here we are again.

The ENT is the same one that performed the procedure on Luke. He's also done this for at least a dozen of our friends and co-workers. This is totally routine and he can probably do it in his sleep.

I, however, am panicking. I'm just not ready for Jacob to be put under anesthesia even though it's VERY general and will have worn off by the time he is back in my arms (which is honestly 20 minutes after they take him back). It's quick, easy, painless...just not ready.

It's amazing how quickly my mind has gone back to the first few weeks and months of Jacob's life. Still a bit too much for me to handle...

Please keep little sweet baby Jacob in your prayers over the next few days. I know this is absolutely routine, but Mama still wants her little man to be safe. Prayers, as always, are much appreciated :)

Such a big boy!

2010-11-16T12:47:00.001-08:00

Jeremy likes to joke with Luke about how he's probably ready to move out and get his own place soon. He's become so self sufficient lately! He goes potty by himself, undresses and dresses himself, gets his own food and drink, etc. Just the other day he said he wanted a snack and before I could move he was in the pantry, had a granola bar, grabbed his milk from the fridge, threw the granola bar wrapper away and was headed to his seat at the table.

A few months ago he started begging us to take him to the dentist. We tried explaining that he needed to wait until he was three, but he still asked almost every day. Needless to say when the time came last week for his first dental appointment we were all a little excited!

Our dentist and hygienist rolled out the red carpet for our boy and we couldn't have been happier with their service. And Luke was such a big boy! Every time the hygienist did something she'd say "We never get far in a first time appointment, so let's keep going!" He was so brave, and let her do everything she wanted to; in fact he was so good that he got "super secret Spider Man webs for his teeth" (aka fluoride treatment - ha!)

Just as we were finishing up, Jeremy and I beaming with pride at our boy, Luke jumps down off the chair and yells "Man I had fun at the dentist today!" Oh how we love this little boy...

Going back to Boston...

2010-11-11T16:55:00.000-08:00

I dove head first into a love affair a few days ago and haven't looked back since. This love affair, however, is not with another person. Nope, this one is with a place. A city. A place so vibrant and full of history that I could barely pull myself away to the airport to board my flight for home. Oh Boston...how I miss you so.

Jeremy and I left for our Mommy & Daddy vaca (work trip for me, dragged the hubby along) on Sunday morning and we were in our hotel room by noon. We wasted no time in venturing out on the town and we crammed more adventures into 4 days than I ever thought we could. (Side note: we did manage to come back to our hotel on Sunday before dinner for a long nap and to watch the Colts play, and we also managed to sleep at least 8 hours every night...it was Heaven people; Heaven.)

So here's the thing about Boston; you can spend a lot of money on tours and such (which we did once and I do highly recommend it) but honestly if you just start hoofin' it down the road you will inevitably run into SOMETHING worth stopping for and before you know it you've spent the best $6 of your life to tour one of the oldest churches in the country.

Breathtaking...

Or a neighborhood that makes you drool with jealousy...

These homes, these brownstones on cobblestone roads, were magical. I kept finding myself standing on my tiptoes trying to peek in just to see how the "other side" lives. Although these folks aren't just the other side...these folks are flat out rollin' in it. We happened to learn (the jury is still out on whether this is true) that a parking spot in this neighborhood (not a garage, a parking spot) will run you a cool $40,000-50,000 per year. FOURTY TO FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. Come on folks, that's a salary! And these folks are paying that to park their car. Sadly I don't think we're moving to this spot any time soon.

And then there was the ever fun Newbury Street. Talk about shopping! We saw everything from Vera Wang to Aldo to Hermes to American Apparel. Street vendors, students, moms and their babes. This street was full of life! We found a nice little spot to rest our legs and heat up with some yummy food. So good we went back the next day, too :)

We made it through North End, Chinatown, the theater district, and Boston Commons. I loved loved loved this display of art, and I cannot wait to read my boys the story "Make Way for Ducklings".

We ventured through cemeteries with graves dating back to the 1700s. We walked through the Boston Public Library and actually stood in a room that housed John Adams' personal collection. We saw old naval ships that were actually used as battle ships in the war. I could go on for days. We absolutely loved it. I must have told Jeremy at least a dozen times that we were going to come home, pack up and move to Boston. But alas, Jeremy gently reminded me on our last night there, that visiting in a city and living in a city are two entirely different things. And with that, I've come to the realization that we are fine right where we are. But I'm absolutely taking my boys back to Boston one day so they can take all of the history in and learn some valuable lessons on our country. If you get bored in that city with all the history surrounding you, then you might as well check your American citizenship at the door!

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, and I mean REALLY sadly because I was so angry, my camera died the day we got to Boston. Don't worry, I feel badly enough about it already, no need to tell me how dumb it was of me to leave my charger at home. At any rate, I wanted to post a story about Boston with pictures, so I had to search for some of the things we saw and find Web images. So the pics above are not anything that we took with our camera. If I had the names of the people who took these photos I would absolutely give credit to each of them by name!

An ode to October...

2010-11-01T18:25:00.000-07:00

Oh October, how I love thee so...

I woke this morning and as I was fixing Jacob's bottle a shiver ran down my spine and I realized it was actually really cold outside. And dark. And then it hit me...October is gone. It's November. Gross.

And there went Fall. Man I love that time of year! In my opinion, there is not a better month than October, or a better place to experience said month than Indiana (although the trees in North Carolina are also killer this time of year). There's nothing more gorgeous than the sun shining down on those beautiful red, yellow and orange fire-like trees. Luke and I love to talk about all the colors we see every morning on the way to Goddard.

Wanna know what we talked about today?
Luke: Mommy, my hands are cold. I need my glubs.
Me: I know baby, I'm sorry. I'm trying to warm the car up as quickly as I can.
Luke: Mommy, I need my glubs.
Me: I know honey. And again, I'm sorry. Mommy wasn't even thinking when we left the house and I didn't grab your glubs (yes, I actually say "glubs" because it is so freaking cute!).
Luke: Mommy, my hands are cold. I need my glubs. (For the love of all things holy, can someone please give the child a gosh darn pair of glubs?!)

We survived the cold morning, and we'll survive the next 120(ish) days of cold, damp gray-ness. There's just no other way to describe it. I've said it before and I'll say it again - in the winter in Indiana you can't tell where the gray sky ends and the concrete begins. It's a large blanket of drab draped over everything in sight.

But hey, guess what? My second favorite month will be here before we know it. Green will start peaking through, and Mr. Sun will decide it's time to make an appearance every once in awhile. And, most importantly...there will be a certain person celebrating a certain milestone 1st birthday.

Setting my sights on the my own personal version of "March Madness" :)

I have a bazillion (yep, that's a number in my world) pictures to upload from October. Lukey turned 3. We attended a few joyous fall festivals. Some friends of ours adopted their first child (amazing!). We had family pictures taken (insert another shameless plug for Molly Connor Photography here). We attended a Pacers game and sat front row (oh and p.s., the tickets were FREE - cha ching! Thanks again, Mols!) We had play dates with our best girls, Izzy and Laney. We partied (thanks to Mike and Kel!) and we trick or treated.

So, because I have a bazillion pictures to load and not a second to do it at this very juncture, I will shamelessly steal pictures that Kelly took this past weekend and posted to Facebook.

I do, however, have to give credit where credit is due - as we were leaving Kel's house on Saturday night for the party (all four kids at their house, one babysitter...PRICELESS) she asks me how I am going to fit both of our cameras into my purse (you'll see in a second why she couldn't carry her own camera). And with that I chucked my new toy (yep, got it, LOVE it) onto her counter top and proudly announced that I wouldn't need mine. There's truly nothing better in the world than having friends who have a serious sickness for taking pictures :) xoxo ladies!

Halloween 2010. Kelly and Mike invited us to a fabulous party. Jeremy and I were straight out of the '20s (Mols, KILLER flapper costume - thank you!) and Kel and Mike were a few decades later - ha! L.O.V.E.D it!

I can't begin to explain how much fun we had dancing the night away at the party. We haven't rocked a dance floor like that since New Year's Eve 2007. That's almost 3 years and 4 (collective) children later! That's just too much time my friend.

Did they have red plastic cups filled with Killian's in the '20s?

Our bigs on Halloween doing some mad trick or treating. I still get choked up when I think about how cute they were. Two years of these munchkins going door to door together. Thank you Grandma Feller for the costume. Luke ROCKED the lion outfit. And I realized in a meeting today that we created our very own little version of "Beauty and the Beast" last night. I emailed Kel to tell her...she cried :)

I mean SERIOUSLY?!

More posts soon to come. I promise. Right now I'm just really caught up in being nothing more than a mommy and wife when I'm home and nothing more than a top notch career woman when I'm at the office. And sometimes the roles overlap a bit. And it's tough. But I'll forge ahead and update my blog when I can...even if it means hijacking someone else's photos.

Lucky number seven...

2010-10-11T07:56:00.000-07:00

Seven years ago today, on October 11, 2003, I married my best friend. In the past seven years we've seen our fair share of ups and downs, but each time we have come out on top, as a better, stronger version of our previous couple-selves. I love him, and the children we have created and are raising, more with each passing day. Happy seventh anniversary, Jeremy! You are the most amazing husband to me and the best father to our boys - we all love you very much.
And on another note...he's kind of good at gifts. Like REALLY good. Here's what should be arriving shortly addressed to yours truly...

Do you love it? ME TOO. Mama cannot wait to have a small pocket camera to take high quality photos AND HD video of the boys. Maybe I shouldn't have admitted this is my gift because then I will no longer have the excuse of not taking pictures because I don't want to lug around the big camera. And taking more pictures means posting more pictures to the blog... Well, ye few readers of The Feller Life, you may just get some more posts from me after all.

Silly little monkey!

2010-09-23T07:46:00.001-07:00

Comparison

2010-09-21T07:16:00.000-07:00

I keep hearing comments from people (and I have to say, I agree COMPLETELY) that Jacob looks freakishly like Luke in his 6 month picture posted below. So, for comparison sake, I pulled a few pics of Luke at 6 months. See below...and talk amongst yourselves :)

Happy 6 months, JLo!

2010-09-20T17:35:00.000-07:00

Six months ago today the Feller family went from three to four (or five to six if you count Kenyan and Cadence). Six months ago today our lives changed in an instant when this little one introduced himself to the world...

And now, here we are...

Oh, littlest man...how we love you so!

Look who's SOOOO big!

2010-09-06T04:26:00.001-07:00

Look who can sit in the wagon from Grandma and Pops!

Look at these sweet boys sharing with one another.

It just doesn't get any better than this...

Labor Day Weekend

2010-09-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

What a gorgeous weekend! Finally...FINALLY...we didn't hit the 90 degree mark. Or even the 80 degree mark! Mama is beyond ready for summer to be over. Don't get me wrong, I love the sun, being tan, playing at the pool, wearing flip flops and getting pedicures. I don't, however, like being so hot that I can barely breathe, running in the smoldering humidity, or having to give the kids baths every single night to ensure every last drop of sunscreen is washed off.

Inevitably, in a few short months, I am going to be begging for spring to get here so that I can see some semblance of life growing outside of our windows. There's nothing quite as depressing as an Indiana winter...every day as I drive to work during the months of December, January and February, I can't honestly tell where the gray, drab sky ends and the barren ground begins.

But for now I will relish in these days of mid 70s and enjoy spending time outside playing, without feeling as though you can cut through the air with a knife!

JLo and I ran errands yesterday while Luke napped. When we came home we found Daddy and Luke playing golf in the yard. Look at that form...and he's a leftie!

Whoops! Daddy hit one of the balls into Mr. Randy's back yard!

First time feeling grass...he wasn't so sure about it!

It may be years before I can get both of them to look at the camera at the same time :)

These two together can just melt your heart. Talk about best buds!

Someone get a camera!

2010-08-30T18:29:00.000-07:00

*Photo compliments of the magnificent Molly Connor. www.mollyconnorphotography.com

He's ALL boy...

2010-08-29T11:39:00.000-07:00

Daddy was out of town over the weekend so it was just me and the boys. I am tired! We shopped, we went to the pool, we visited with a few different friends, we watched movies and we played outside.

My favorite activity of the weekend was, by far, the trip to a park that's only a few miles from our house. We've heard about this park from a few people, but have never visited. Wow, this place is amazing!

I must say it isn't like us to stay at a park for more than 30 minutes (I mean how long can you really go up and down the same slide?) but this place blew our socks off! Before I knew it I looked down at my watch and we'd been there for 2 hours, we were past nap time and the boys and I were seriously tuckered out!

I didn't take our camera to the park because lugging a baby stroller, a picnic lunch, and the 2 year old is enough to carry. But thankfully my cell phone came in very handy so I could capture a few shots of Lukers. He had the time of his life! I cannot wait until Jeremy is back in town so we can all go back. Such a cool place!

Luke was in the absolute height of his glory at this place. He has really come into his own lately - and there's been a ton of dare devilish tricks going on in our house. He's definitely one rough, tough little guy!

Climbing to the top of the prehistoric playground - he went up and down, up and down...about a million times! All the while repeating "I can do it all by myself!" Right, got it buddy...

And do it all by himself, he did! Sweet success.

I mean really...how often in life do you get to crawl through a dinosaur's backbone?

This apparatus is fittingly coined "The Rattle Snake". I caught this pic while Luke was on the bottom wrung and quickly threw the phone down as he took off like a bat out of hell to climb all the way to the top! Just about gave Mommy a heart attack.

Just out for a leisurely stroll through the nature trails.

Poor boy could not figure out why there weren't any ducks in the water flowing under this bridge. It was only a small creek!

Stopping along the way to smell the "flowers" as he called them.

And at this point I knew we were done. I turned around to see him sitting down in the middle of the trail. Right after I took this picture he looked up and said with a sigh "Mommy, I sure have done a lot today!" Melt my heart :)

p.s. Yes, Jacob was at the park, too...sleeping soundly in the stroller the entire time.